Everyone is strong. Some more than others, and in different ways. I am drawn toward writing about the strengths I see in myself and others because the work I have been involved in in the last few years has changed the way I see life. I see strengths first, no matter what else there is in the picture. I see opportunities for learning and growth in situations that used to depress me. I see hope-- here, there, and everywhere I look.

A few years ago I was given the opportunity through my work to create trainings for child care providers based on the work of the Center for the Study of Social Policy, called Strengthening Families—a Protective Factor Framework. I love creating trainings that are interactive, personal, and effective, so in the process of creating these trainings I drew on many activities that had been powerful in my own life over the years, based on research that had helped me personally in my parenting, my communication with others, my overall well-being. In the process of writing trainings and training others, I uncovered strengths in my own life that I had either never recognized as strengths, or had forgotten about. Strengthening Families supplied a framework that helped me do this—the Protective Factor framework. The Center for the Study of Social Policy identified five Protective Factors that support strong families, optimal child development and prevention of child abuse and neglect. They are:

Parental Resilience
Social Connection
Concrete Support in Times of Need
Knowledge of Parenting and Child Development
Social and Emotional Competence

Jane and I have written dozens of trainings, and have trained trainers all over the country. One of our favorite activities is to have participants partner with each other and share personal stories of their own lives or childhoods that demonstrate each of these Protective Factors, either by its presence or by its absence. This sharing usually brings loud and animated conversation, often brings laughter, sometimes brings tears, and always reminds me of the highs and lows that make each of us unique, vulnerable, and strong.

As a trainer it is important to me that no one attending my trainings looks at this Protective Factor information as something I am “trying to teach”, as an expert. We are all in this together. More than other topics, learning about Strengthening Families starts with relationship—open, trusting, vulnerable, joyful relationship. We can’t teach what we don’t know. If we are going to teach about building relationships, we need to be open and transparent, a participant as well as a trainer or facilitator.

This book is a compilation of lesson plans, suitable for trainings and workshops with parents and with any programs or agency personnel who work with children and families. They are practical, interactive, and easy to follow, and effective in bringing the Protective Factor framework to life at home and at work. Once you are immersed in the ideas of the Protective Factors, you will start to see them--- here, there, and everywhere. We hope this manual will help.

-Maureen Durning

In 2014, a full decade after my first introduction to the Strengthening Families Framework, I heard Francie Zimmerman talk for five minutes about the success of this work and my heart made a seismic shift. It was one of those moments when a truth hits you so fully, so truly, that the giant invisible cogs driving your heart, head and spirit clunk into a new place and life changes forever. The gist of the story is this: In the shadow of 9/11 the framework was born. As the Twin Towers fell, somewhere off of 5th Avenue the Doris Duke Foundation Board approved the first major grant that would grow into Strengthening Families, an approach to the world that is diametrically opposed to what those planes slamming into the Towers stood for that day.

Racism, violence, misogyny, genocide – the ills of the world are rooted in insisting we are Other, that our differences define us, that we should be afraid, that if my neighbor’s life gets better I must be missing out on mine. Strengthening Families answers: Nonsense. This is the universal truth: we all have the same five strengths in different quantities. And when we are adept and intentional about noticing each other’s strengths we see we are not so different, so scary, after all. We glimpse something of ourselves in each other. We can sense that we are related, that everyone has something to offer, that my well-being is intimately connected with yours. When we use a strengths-based lens it becomes obvious that destroying your home, your loved ones, your chances for something better destroys me and mine and ours in the process.

The five Protective Factors protect individuals and families from being overwhelmed by the stressors they face. They also make the world a better place. Resilient people have hope; people who sacrifice themselves to do harm unto others do not. Healthy relationships tie people together in ways that promote peace, not destruction. Ask yourself, how would the world be different if each of us could identify, express and listen compassionately to the deepest fears of our enemies? If we knew how to get our needs met and how our desires and demons were shaped by our lived experience?

This work – our work – demands we look for the best in each other. It’s a big ask. It takes time and determination and patience and perseverance. No one says it is easy but it does get easier with practice. The framework is simple, elegant, radical. When we use it effectively we can change worlds -- our internal world, the little world of our families and friends, the whole wide world, in turn.

Strengthening Families can be as little or as big as you want to make it. It can be as simple as changing the order of questions you ask (“First, tell me about the strengths of your family,”) calling out resilience when you see it, complimenting a parent who is practicing the unfamiliar vocabulary of emotions, offering a ride or a resource or a smile. This work can also be big, as big as you can imagine. As big as conflict resolution, social justice, forgiveness, World Peace. Micro and macro. One drop in an ocean. The seeds of today sowing a better tomorrow.

And you who work in the service of children and families, know you are key. Your unique relationship with families, the trust and respect you share, perfectly position you to promote Protective Factors through your everyday actions. Thank you. I hope this book enhances your professional practice and offers ideas to keep your own family STRONG.

-Jane Zink

INTRODUCTION 

• Trainer to Trainer: From Us to You

• The Lesson Plan Design

• Brain Science

CHAPTER 1: GETTING STARTED

• Introduction

• Finding Strengths

• The Protective Factors

• Line Up!

• For Programs:

  • Signs of Stress

  • Is it TRUE?

CHAPTER 2: PARENTAL RESILIENCE

• Introduction

• Art Activity

• Active Listening 101

• How to Bless Children

• I have / I am / I can

• Well of Resilience

• 7 C's of Resilience

• Our Wheel of Life

• Reflection/Action

CHAPTER 3: SOCIAL CONNECTION

• Introduction

• Art Activity

• Ice Breakers and Beyond

• It's All about Relationships

• Nurturing Yourself / You Thrive

• 'I Feel' Statements 103

• Win-Win Problem Solving

• For Programs:

  • Confidentiality

  • Teamwork

  • Welcoming Spaces

• Reflection/Action

CHAPTER 4: CONCRETE SUPPORT IN TIMES OF NEED

• Introduction

• Art Activity

• First Things First

• Bridge of Support

• The Power of Acceptance

• For Programs:

  • How May I Help You?

• Reflection/Action

CHAPTER 5: KNOWLEDGE OF PARENTING AND CHILD DEVELOPMENT

• Introduction

• Art Activity

• Exploring Family Culture

• Play/Work/Learn

• Help Me Grow: Physical milestones

• Sexual Development

• Conversations: Sex Ed at Home

• Parenting that Promotes Peace:

  • Win-Win Parenting

  • The Discipline Continuum

  • Time In, Time Out

  • Discipline Means Guidance

• Reflection/Action

CHAPTER 6:  SOCIAL EMOTIONAL COMPETENCE

• Introduction

• Art Activity

• A Star is Born: Music, Dance, Theater

• Arts and Crafts

• Roots and Wings

• Emotion Guidance

• My Emotional Landscape

• Relentless Compassion

• For Programs:

  • Trading Places

• Reflection/Action

CHAPTER 7:  YOUTH THRIVE 

• YOUTHRIVE Introduction

• YOUTHRIVE Adapting the Lesson Plans

• YOUTHRIVE Resources

• Practice!

• Five Protective Factors Handout: YOUTHRIVE

• Reflection/Action Plan: YOUTHRIVE

CHAPTER 8:  RESOURCES 

• Resources

• Sample Menus